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The Tale of the Two Bitchies (First Bitch)
Day: Just Another Day
Weather: Uncalm Before the Storm
OK…everything started with a call on Monday night. I was in the shower as the phone rang. Mum was singing (or rather squeaking) some tunes from her Chinese Operas (yeah as far as I know she used to be a Chinese Opera singer) while doing the dishes. Something I could never understand: why do you do your own dishes when your husband already bought you a state of the art dishwasher? Anyway, as usual nobody in house picked up the phone except mum. “Hallo! Yes. Hoe on.” Even at the full strength of the shower and the music in my room, I could hear mum’s thunderous footsteps running up the stairs. She knocked on my door and yelled “Son. Your phone! It’s Hugo your Boss.”
As I made myself look decent, I could hear from the outside that mum was chatting with Hugo, my flamboyant straight agent. “Oh hoo hoo hoo. He is such a gud boy! Working hard at da libarly. Peaze. Take gud cair of him for me!” To ensure there were no further embarrassments from her, I quickly opened my door and took over the phone. I gave her a good son smile and said “Thanks mum. By the way, Hugo is not my Boss, he’s my agent.” Obviously that didn’t make a difference for mum. She laughed and smacked my shoulder “Ha ha ha, sutch a tzeeky boy!” and off she went returning to her operatic tunes.
It was both a good and bad news from Hugo. The good news was he got me an audition for a 3-episode guest role on a series. The bad news was I was playing a bitchy gay boyfriend of one of the main characters. Obviously in the story, he found out his boyfriend was cheating on him and the audition scene was the fighting scene between him and the alleged “the other man / bitch”.
No offense but why is it that when Asian actors (or Asian looking actors) are not playing illegal immigrants or restaurant owners, they are gay boyfriends of a lesser importance? And for fuck’s sake I am not even Asian! Surely my mum squeaks like no tomorrow when she sings her opera tunes, I’d never inherited that part of the genes.
However, this could be a break for me so that I can get other acting jobs and quit the Odyssey Space Station all together. I was grateful and worried.
I was not particularly in a mood to deal with Eva Cologne today and particularly not at our weekly meeting when my boss is on leave. That woman just went on and on and on. Claire (the Fooney British Girl) and I started timing her speech with our stop watches lately and charted them on a spreadsheet. That was the only fun thing to do in the meetings with her nowadays.
Anyway so happened that there was someone else attending the meeting today. A woman called Alice, who is the manager of the open access program at the Uni. She heard of our project and thus was interested in whether the product coming out of the program will be suitable to be incorporated into the open access program. I heard that she used to work in the library but then she scored herself a meatier job outside the library with the Power Central. Rumours were that she was sleeping with one of the deans who happened to be the VC best friends…more or less like the entertainment industry but less entertaining with not so goodlooking people (I checked all of them up from the staff directory).
Claire warned me to stay out of cross fires right before the meeting. She said Alice is also known as “Alice the Thunderland”. She basically blasts everything into oblivion if things don’t please her ears. For me I was more worried about the audition later in the afternoon. I was still thinking how could I pull off a gay catfight scene in a club? Especially when Hugo talked me up so much for the role? I am a well-trained actor from a prestigious drama school, but I haven’t done anything like that before. I must search for my inner gay bitch…
As I was contemplating my acting future, Claire and I heard the rolling “clarks” from Alice’s heels. The door swung opened and at the door was a woman in her late forties with a lemon sour face. As she pulled the corners of her mouth upward to “reveal” a smile, she reminded me of Jack Nicholson’s Joker, only with thicker make up and darker mascara. Eva followed to our office shortly after Alice’s arrival. They shook hands but under their friendly gazes were 1000 volts of sparkling electrical energy ready for a kill.
Claire and I looked at each other and sculled for rubber raincoats to stay alive.
Too tired now…need sleep…will continue later.
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