The Unnecessarily Catalogued Fulltext Open Access Diary of an (Acting Librarian) Chapter 3

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The 2009 Space Odyssey

Date: One Fine Day
Weather: Meteor Storm

Third week into the job. My boss delivered the first death sentence – I need to start working at the desk! I was thinking: “Hell no! I’m too good looking to be the “beep beep guy”! And I can’t let my acting friends see me doing that! They can be just 10k away shooting “Hospital Soap” at the studio!”

Well, turned out it was not the “beep beep desk” but the “Reference Desk” – no you don’t do referrals there (or do we?) but we help people find their way in the library. Be it finding the loo or getting something from the library system. Also found out that none of my friends are acting at the mo but waiting tables in Darling Harbour, Kings Cross and other prestigious Sydney suburbs.

The first shift was hell. It was with mighty Eva, who couldn’t stop telling me “Ai am the expert here. So listen to me and watch me. Ai won’t have time to teach you if you caannae understand how to work here. Ai am very busy. Ai am a very busy woman!” – “Ai waant her to shut the fuck up!”

During the whole shift I was trying to sit under the air conditioning vent hoping that the air curtain would fend off the shit water smell from Miss Cologne. Sometimes I really felt sorry for the students who needed her help…well basically she jumped on to my clients like a tigress devouring its prey every time they approached me because she rrreckoned that I knew nothing about my job.

So I was just playing around with the databases looking for free scripts to download.

Then suddenly an Asian student came to me. I looked up with my most good-looking self and smiled. And out from her mouth poured a string of gibberish that I could hardly understand. It’s like decoding the “Da Vinci Code” but without the pleasant company of Audrey Tautou…ah Audrey…Anyway why the hell would she think that I could understand her language? I might look Asian but I am a true blue Aussie with a famous Aussie dad who is earning millions on TV every night! Don’t they even watch TV here and learn English???? So I just casually smiled and said “Huh? I can’t understand you. Can you speak English?“ She stared at me in surprise and then uttered a few more whatever words to her friend behind her and walked away.

Ok – rule number one – if you are studying in an Aussie uni, you ought to speak English and understand the language. How did these people even get into uni nowadays? Rule number two – if you disturbed someone and found out that you don’t need or can’t afford his help, you should still say “Thank you!” Where are the manners of these people?

From the corners of my eyes, I could see the satisfaction on that bitch’s face saying, “Ai know Ai know, this kid caan’t even handle a single client. Ai am so much better. Ai am such an expert at the desk” I acted like I didn’t notice the distortion on her stupid face (well I am a fully trained actor after all) and continued to do my own stuff.

The clock struck 1pm and it’s time to go home. I couldn’t wait but to pick up my bag and leave. The moment I left the building I felt like I was back to the real world. That place was like a parallel universe that you just float inside a spaceship dealing with hordes and hordes of aliens. I couldn’t help but wonder, "did Stanley Kubrick get his idea of “2001 – A Space Odyssey” by working there?"